Or should I say... room. When your body is stiched up tight and you're covered in bandages, laughing can hurt. Or should I say me, because honestly who else are we talking about here.
Not laughing is especially challanging, because every time I see myself in the mirror I think I look like a goul from Scooby Doo!
Now, originally I was going to make this blog post full of retro boob jokes. Sounds like a fun idea, doesn't it?
Well turns out retro boob jokes are NOT FUNNY.
Yeah. And I think most things are funny. But reading these, all I could think of was: I guess I'm a feminist. I really ought to check my privilege as a woman living in 2016, because fifteen years ago people were putting up the worst jokes you've ever heard objectifying and criticizing women's bodies like there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Well I'm here to say, there is!
Why all this talk about boobs?
It's because I finally took the plunge and did the thing I've been wanting to do since high school: get a breast reduction. That's right, folks! The genius behing want a joke was much of a joke her self for many years. I was like a circus freak towards the end of high school, and in college I couldn't get through a day without being stared at.
In a way, I owe it a lot because that kind of scrutiny forced me to become smarter, nicer, a better communicator. I felt like my over abundance of breast actually put me at a disadvantage of respect.
I'm so glad I took the leap. I feel much more myself :)
It's hard to write a lot when I'm in this much pain from the healing but my awesome plastic surgeon (who i will link to and highly reccomend as being a total sweetie pie) said I should be fine within a week, maybe two.
For the first time, I'll be able to run and jump like the other kids! I'm going to see if theres some kind of "run and jump" meetup where I can catch up for lost time.
More jokes as I heal. In the meantime, be grateful for your healthy bodies and find a way to do a prank a day!
I am here to cute you up with unboringness. If you got a problem, yo I'll solve it, check out the joke section.
Jokes are important. Why?
1. You can be funny to people without touching them. This is hygenic and avoids sexual harrasment charges in the courtship process.
2. Laughing puts gentle pressure on the intestines, thus relieving constipation.
3. Jokes help you remember things, like who your best friends are- since they're the ones making them.
I heard a joke the other day that really made me laugh. I wish I could remember where I heard it so I could give credit where credit is due, but I forget. I
Here it is:
A man wakes up to go to work but he doesn't feel very well.
He calls his boss.
"Boss," he says, "I don't know if I can come to work today. I'm tired, achy and think I might be coming down with somehting."
"Oh, that's nothing," Bossman says. "Happens to me all the time. Just means you need a lil love action in your life. A little release. You know, clear out the tubes, the old huff and puff in a
muff-muff to let out the nasty stuff. A sweet morsel of nookie cookie dipped in mamas milk. Fresh from the cans. You pick up what I'm throwing down?"
"Uh," the sniffling employee replies.
"I make love to my wife, Leonardo."
"Oh," says Leonardo.
"I reccomend you do the same. See you at 9."
At 8:45, Leonardo strolls into the office with a big grin on his face.
His boss sees him from the coffee machine where he's making himself a macchiato.
"Took my adivce! And you're even here early!"
"Yes, Boss, thank you. You are a very smart man. I have never felt so good. By the way, you have a lovely home."
Now, I am not always one to think much about a joke beyond the initial chuckle.
This one did make me think, though.
Its funny because it is:
This joke is funny with only the first three elements. The boss says HIS wife, but he means for his employee, Leonardo, to know he means LEONARDO's wife. When you add in the extra juice of "sticking it to the man," it takes the gratification to a whole new level.
I'm at a point in my life where I recognize the dysfunction of having trouble with authority figures. It's a symptom of unhealthy complexes, because in reality, no one can ever hold you down or hold you back! In the United States of America, we are blessed to have the freedom to day and say as er please, and if we don't like our job or our boss, we can go get a new one. We can even stop having a boss entirely and become an entreprenuer!
So, while I no longer hate on people for being bosses, having come to an understanding that anyone can be a boss if they want to and being an employee is a choice, (since the universe is unlimited), I STILL get a hit of yummy, guilty hit of dopamine watching the little guy screw the big guy. Or, more specifically, screw the big guy's wifey.
AND do it because the boss TOLD HIM TO.